


Nick's Finale decision

by Yupina00



Category: Supernatural
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 07:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15601857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yupina00/pseuds/Yupina00
Summary: Nick and Lucifer talk and Nick makes a decision he may or may not regret.





	Nick's Finale decision

**Author's Note:**

> This Fanfiction is pretty old. I wrote it when I was at still at season 5 and I had the idea and wrote it down. I looked over it a couple of times but I apologize for any grammar mistakes. I hope you might enjoy it!

Cold. 

It was the only way to describe the feeling around him. Trapped inside his own mind, forced to watch the archangel which he gave his consent do all these horrible things. But he still trusted him. Trusted his decisions, his thoughts and the way he managed things, even if it meant the death of many. 

It wasn't a good thing, Nick knew that but he stopped caring and doubting his decisions long ago. He felt safe inside his own mind where he was locked away from everything. The place around him was a bar near his house, he went there very often after what happened that night. 

Silently he sat on a stool and drained his problems in cheap tasting whiskey. But there was this freezing atmosphere around him that just wouldn't leave. He already asked the devil why it was so cold, the answer was simple. It was Lucifer's grace around his soul that felt so cold. 

“Lucifer.” Nick spoke into the lonely room and he expected the archangel to do something… just anything. Slowly the door to the shady bar opened and he saw himself standing in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face. “Nick. Is there a problem?” It wasn't really a question, Lucifer could feel Nick's sadness and loneliness. 

“I can't do this anymore.” He brought his glass to his lips and took a sip. Letting the warmth of the alcohol run down his throat, it always had a good feeling to it, knowing that he will forget everything after a bunch of glasses. His mouth and throat had a tingling burning feeling when he sat the glass on the table in front of him again. “I did a good job, I think. Took me awhile to finally say it to you.”

“I have to ask, Nick.” Lucifer's tone was far more serious than in their previous conversations. Nick cleared his throat and stood up, he feared and also welcomed the fact that he didn't need to ask. “Go ahead,ask me.” Both knew what the archangel was going to ask him, both knew the answer but Lucifer still didn't want to do it. Nick was the only trustful company he had which he didn't want to lose. 

“Do you want me to kill you?” Maybe Nick saw it as an act of mercy but it was still murder, or else he would have protested against Lucifer's choice of words. “Saying yes sounds so easy right now.” Nick looked at the other male expecting him to say something before he continued. “I have been thinking about it for a long time, not that you didn't realize but you know why I didn't ask earlier, right?”

Lucifer noded. “You are afraid of what happens afterwards.” His eyes wandered over the bar, various tables and stools were pushed over or destroyed. “I understand your fear, Nick. But you don't have to fear anything, you would be in heaven.” Nick laughed dryly at his response. He felt Lucifer's piercing gaze on him and his laughter died, this was serious. 

“How are you so sure that I'm actually going to heaven?” Lucifer shrugged. “You just have to trust me.” Does he actually trust Lucifer? He assumed that he did, since he was still alive. But he is going to be in heaven or hell for all eternity, what if Lucifer lied to him, to make him feel better about his near end. No, Lucifer was everything but not a liar. 

“I trust you. I have my doubts about this, but I can't help myself anymore. Everything that happened and everything that I have done. Those things haunt me, every day, hour, minute and second of my life.” A hand cold as ice touched his shaking shoulder and made him look up at the powerful archangel, which had a understanding and soft expression. 

“You don't have to explain your feelings to me, just answer the question. Do you want me to kill you?” Nick licked his lips which suddenly felt very dry. He thought about his life, his family and friends that he once had. How happy he was when his life wasn't as wrecked as it is now. He thought about his wife and his child, which were murdered brutally by a thief, how he stopped caring about anything after that. He thought about how much he missed them.

“Yes, please.” Nick answered carefully, trying not to stutter or show his fear in any way. Lucifer knew about his feelings anyway. He felt the hand on his shoulder squeeze encouragingly before Lucifer spoke again. “It is for the best, trust me. You won't even realize that you're dying.” He just stared back at the Angel before he closed his eyes. Waiting for his faith. 

He saw her eyes, looking at him warmly with a small smile on her face. It was after she gave birth to their baby, he never saw her so happy before. 

He didn't feel his death, just sadness at a memory that was meant to be beautiful but only caused him pain. 

 

~

 

He groaned silently when he woke up. His head pounded with pain and the sunlight reached through the gap of the curtains, which eventually made him turn away from the window. The warmth of the sheets, the peaceful silence and his lack of sleep nearly made him fall back to sleep. 

Nick frowned. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at… his bedroom. He hasn't been for a while, everything around him was still so familiar to him, he couldn't forget it. He tried to. The bed was comfortable and the sheets pressed against his body making it look like they tried to keep him safe in bed, but he sat up eventually. 

He looked to his side, hoping to find something- actually someone there. It was empty, Nick sighed, “I'm not that lucky, huh?”, he asked into the empty room before he sat up completely and looked at his feet and the floor as he sat on the edge of the bed. He felt like he's going to pass out if he wasn't careful enough. Slowly he stood up, a hand braced on the wall to give him support before the world around him spinned. He quickly sat down on the bed again. 

The pain in his head got worse once he tried to stand up, sitting wasn't better so he decided to try it again. He ran a hand through his hair and hissed, he could hear the blood thumping and felt slightly dizzy. “Oh Damn it-”, he cursed. 

His chest felt tight from the pressuring feeling, caused by the urge to just lie down and sleep again. He used one hand to push himself off the bed again, his vision got blurry and his legs started shaking under his weight. 

“You expect me to believe you that this is heaven? Bullshit!-” He flinched at his own loud tone and started walking towards the bedroom door, stumbling the rest of the way, but catching himself on the wooden door. 

“I expected something else…everybody always told me I would see my loved ones, that already died here.” The door opened swiftly and without a noise, which Nick thanked every God that he knew for, before he moved outside and down the hallway. Pictures of his family and friends passed him as he went on. He tried to ignore it, but failed, his stomach felt like like he was stabbed when he looked at a picture of her at their honeymoon. 

“Where are they, huh?...” It was more of a pleading and desperate attempt for an answer but his question was met with silence and he leaned with his shoulder against the wall. Nick knew he should be more grateful but they were the only reason he agreed on Lucifer actually killing him. 

No one is here. He's alone like he always was, having to life with the guilt for everything that happened to his family. 

Soft and faint humming was heard from another room. A soft lullaby to make a baby sleep and Nick whimpered.

He blinked rapidly to keep himself from crying and eventually breaking down. He fumbled with his hands to keep himself from looking if she was there, if they were here. But he heard her voice many times before and looked, just to be met with an empty room which felt like another kick on his already miserable life. 

“Sarah…” Nick whispered. His chest tightened and he breathed out harshly before he started gasping for air, he didn't even realize he was holding his breath. His eyes burned with the desire to finally let everything out, but he cried so many times before and everytime he only felt worse. 

“It is unfair, you know. That she and my son died but I got to life. I got to life such a pathetic live and she had to die so early, she didn't even have chance to live a happy life.” His hands started to form into fists at the sudden anger that he felt towards the person that stole that opportunity from her. 

Nick swallowed and tried to even his breathing, counting to ten silently. “It's not your fault that they died…” He had no idea who exactly he was addressing these words to, Lucifer, God, a random angel, maybe even to himself. 

The soft humming from the other room got silent. He pushed himself away from the wall, walking the rest of the way and opened the door to the bathroom. Silence was everywhere and he wished that the humming would continue. 

“Sarah, I-” Nick whispered to himself while he opened the mirror cabinet to pull out then painkillers. They weren't strong, but it should do the trick, at least stop that hammering pain in his head. 

He never said her name after she died, never tried to talk to the empty room hoping that she could hear him in any way, it would help according to his friends, even the psychiatrist that helped him recover from everything said so. 

“Sarah, it wasn't my fault but-” He closed his eyes and breathed in air, a sob was close to escaping his mouth and he hated it. He was never really a fan of showing emotions, romantic feelings were hard for him to express too, but sadness got too much when he thought about his family. 

“I miss you so-” He blinked rapidly. “I miss you so much…” Nick sobbed, his eyes stung because he held back the tears for too long. He shook his head and cursed loudly, “Fuck-”, he slammed the painkillers into the sink and closed the mirror cabinet, gripping the sink hard for support while his vision got blurred again. His own pathetic reflection looked back at him in a judging way, but to his surprise he looked better than normally after sleeping. 

He sighed before he let go of the sink and went into the hallway again, leaving the bathroom door open. Nick looked at the end of the hallway at a room that he didn't want to go near, his child's room. 

Nick swallowed and walked towards the room, it was a hard task and he felt like he wasn't walking, it felt like he was getting dragged. The door seemed to him like forbidden terrain, a place where his memories and emotions lied. Nick breathed in one last time and slowly opened the door, there was faint humming and he felt his hand shake when it touched the door handle. 

“... Sarah?” Carefully he asked before swinging the door open completely. He had no idea why he believed what he assumed where Hallucinations, noises or something else that just didn't make sense but maybe, just maybe this time he could be this lucky. 

Next to the baby cot was a figure standing, soft black hair covered their head and a white nightgown that nearly reached the floor covered their body. The person's hands where on the cot, one for balance and the other reached for something inside. 

“hmm?-” The person hummed, pulling their hands away from the cot and turning towards Nick. “I thought you were asleep. Did I wake you up?”

He stared at her face and felt like his legs were close to giving up, his throat was tied up and it was hard for him to form words. His eyes burned with warm tears stinging in them. The tears made their way out of his eyes when he started to blink repeatedly, running down his cheek. She looked concerned at him but didn't say anything, waiting for him to explain.

“Sarah!-”


End file.
